I am puke
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
