If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
