Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
