Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
