why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
