Me too!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
