Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
