Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
