You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
