tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
