Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
