I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
