you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
