Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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