btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
