Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
