Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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