yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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