he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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