All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
