Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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