So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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