i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
