my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
