i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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