Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
