We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
