I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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