You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
