you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
