The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
