I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
