jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
