:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
