Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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