Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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