farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
