My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Moan for me like Helen Keller
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
