I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
