she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
