The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
