I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
