Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
