Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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