Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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