All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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