I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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