She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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