i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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