she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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